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CRITIQUE THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF THIS!!!!
I was pretty depresses early on in my eighteenth year. I had barely ever had a cogent romantic relationship, I was going to college to get a diploma that many others would get, so it wasn't anything special and my parents had cut off contact. My life felt empty. That was until the day I decided to go for a little hike up into the mountains.
I was about twenty miles away from civilization. I had supplies, food, water and my machete. I was ascending happily until the trail seemed to fade into the underbrush. I tried to make my way through it, seeing a potential trail on the other side. But it seemed like the more I traversed, the thicker, deeper and darker the vegetation grew. I unsheathed the machete and began to hack away at the plats before me.I stepped over a rotten log, expecting for my foot to meet ground on the other side when it went way below ground level. because i had invested all my wight into that stride, my body followed suit, plummeting down into the hole. My machete fell from my grip, sticking into the ground beyond the chasm. I fell about 10 feet down, hitting the stone floor of the cave. I grabbed a flashlight out of my pack, and surveyed the cave. It was almost spherical, black stone covering every inch of the walls, the only light source other than the flashlight was the hole which I had fallen through, about one foot in diameter.
I saw there was no way to get back up, but I saw an opening on one side of the cave. Having nowhere else to go, I decided to follow it. It led to a room, but this room was cleanly cut, with fine edges and pictographs covering the walls. There was a shelf on the bottom half of the wall, that stuck out about a foot. In the middle of the room there was a big well. It came up to about my waist and it was perfectly round. I looked inside of it and quietly said, “Woah”. just then, the shelf that circled the room lit up with blue flame, illuminating the room, and a huge unseen force from the well lifted me off my feet and threw me across the room. I looked up in my dizzy and shocked state, to see an apparition rise out of the well, a similar shade of blue as the fire which lit the room. Within the swirling steam and rising smoke, I could make out the body of a girl.
“Hello,” it said to me, it’s voice shifty, and sounding like there were multiple girls of varying ages speaking at once. “I-I uhh,” I stuttered, too shocked by the supernatural being in front of me, as I was never superstitious or religious. “It’s okay, I understand,” she said. “I am a Djin. I have been locked in this tomb for several thousand years, and you are the first person that I have seen in several hundred. I was once a normal human, but I was betrayed by my clan, who offered me as a blood sacrifice to yield better crops. The elder gods took my soul an trapped it within this hallowed tomb, making me a Djin and giving me the power to grant a single wish to anyone who finds it. Once I reach one hundred wishes, the elder gods will give me my physical body back, and I may walk among the living once more. You, young traveler are the one hundredth person. Ask of me one wish, and I will grant it of you, and thereby set me free.” I was shocked. “I umm, well my life isn't very fulfilling right now, I just want someone to be happy with, both experientially and sexually, I don't want to have to worry about money anymore, and I want to live my life while I’m still young. So I guess my wish is to be happy. Can you grant that, while factoring in those requests?”
I asked. She seemed to be in deep thought, almost as if she was looking past this chamber to somewhere else. After a few moments she returned to lucidity. “I found the perfect solution.” she said. “This person is twenty three years old, wealthy and great in bed. They fit your personality perfectly, same interests, hobbies and tastes in both art and music…” It was sounding great, and I was excited. “Trust me, you'll be very happy with him.” “Wait, HIM? I’m not gay!” “Well neither is he.” The Djin said. “The only difference is that he didn't come to a Djin to ask for a life changing wish. He likes his life and just wants a companion. You are the one asking for a drastic change. Therefore, I will change you. Understand?”
“So what are you gonna do? Make me gay?” I asked. “No silly, I’m going to transform you into a woman.” She said cooly. “You know what, I think that I’m just gonna leave. I recant my wish, good luck on becoming human again.” I said backing towards the exit. “Oh no you don’t!” She yelled. She picked me up, using some form of telepathy or telekinesis. “I’ve been trapped here for thousands of years, you've made your wish, and by the gods I will grant it. All my clothes disappeared, and I was floating in the air naked. she dropped me to the floor and sealed the exit to the chamber. “Stop! I don't want to be a woman!” I screamed. She conjured a orb near the well and lifted the water out of it. The water became a sticky oily gelatinous substance as it hovered in the air. She descended the goo onto me coating my body in the thick, sticky and clear mucus. “I’m not going to lie, this is going to hurt.” she said
My body shrunk down to about 5’7”, my back snapped inward and my butt grew and filled with fat, thickening my thighs next. My waist caved in, and my skin became smooth and flawless. My arms and legs crunched inward, becoming dainty and petite. My skull stunk violently and rounded out. My calves became smooth and tight as my fingers thinned and elongated. My stomach flattened and became a toned sexy core. My muscles in my arms withered and my peck muscles deflated. My hips popped outward, accentuating my curves. My face began to burn as it rearranged and became cute and feminine. Larger eyes, pouty lips, raised cheekbones, and cute nose. Next my hair grew out, changing color from black to dirty blonde. It grew down to my chest, which began to tingle.
“You know what comes next right?” She teased. “No! Please!” I pleaded in my new feminine and girly voice as I grasped my chest. It began to swell, my nipples moving away from me, pushing out into two perfect breasts. Fluid rushed into my new boobs, growing them to a double D size. “This should be your favorite part!” taunted the Djin. “Oh god, no! please! I’m a man!” “Oh really?” she said. What man has a pair of tits as succulent as yours?” I covered my new boobs best as I could. Quicker than I could react, my dick and balls violently and without warning sucked up into my body. After overcoming the original shock, I screamed, as my new vagina finished forming both inside and out.
“Your boyfriend should be coming home from work any second.” The Djin said. “You wouldn't want to miss it. Thank you for freeing me. Enjoy the rest of you life as a woman, traveller.” In a flash, I woke up in an apartment. I looked down at myself, seeing that I had a pair of panties over my new pussy, and a bra over my new tits. I was sitting on a bed, and it wad raining heavily outside. Just then, I heard the door open, and I froze in fear. A young, twenty something man with shoulder length hair tied in a loose bun walked into view. “Hey babe, did you miss me?” he said removing his shirt, revealing strong biceps and a cut chest and abdomen. I felt my vagina moisten, and I thought, “You know what? Maybe this wont be so bad.”
Examples (not all of the errors): depresses --> depressed, Djin --> Djinn
It was good to have a lead in into the story. That's nice too see… too many don't have adequate setup to make us care about the character.
The character probably accepts his transformation somewhat too quickly, seeing how traumatized they seemed just one paragraph before.
Still, a good start.